Unanimous Slut

Dear John Doe,

What kind of faux force field do you have embowed over your person? And do you really think I'd fall for that positivity bullshit? I don't know what kind of world you're trying to convince yourself that you live in, but it's not a world full of pure imagination. Let's discuss the indicators that make my prior statement factual.

First of all, you’re a community slut and everyone knows it. Not just locally but nationally. Remember we both come from another place, and in that place you were just the same…a fucking slut with a tarnished reputation. Oh, I didn't forget. So how does that make you more holy than thou? It doesn't, it makes you just as fucked up as I am if not worse.

I'm not denying that I'm a negative person, which is your only beef with me. However, how dare you cast the first stone when you blatantly announce to the world every time you empty your dick or want to? Can you be that dim-witted you fucking numb nut? Comparing one's moral fiber to the others, what's the lesser evil? Who stands above and who lies beneath? What a good question...

So yeah...I'm "negative". Why don't you fucking kill yourself. How's that for negativity? Take that, you simple fucking bitch.

-A lesson that has come with great consequence, and now I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Power Pig

Dear Jane Doe,


I am really fucking upset! I can't believe you lured me into that awful trap of yours with that fake and infectious personality. "I" should have known! You really swayed me with money and a kool-aid smile. Shows me how easy it is to pull influence over others. Trust that I won't have to spend many more days trying to impress you unwillingly and just to make my days go by smoother. Trust that I won't have to look at your big bacon face for much longer. Trust that you'll be at a loss in the end.

One of the most uncomfortable things to ever experience is watching you be watched by someone. Another uncomfortable experience is being slapped by an asshole all of sudden. That's exactly what you did to me because I had NO idea you were such a fucking asshole. Shame on you for fooling me and shame on you for revealing your true ghoulish nature. Now you can never convince me that you're anything otherwise. Smooth move you fucking monster. Now who's the fool?

-A lesson that has come with GREAT consequence, and now I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Satisfied Stranger

Dear Jane Doe,

You took no shame is disappearing. Lucky for us you did though because you were vastly and quite generally becoming the most undesirable individual of all. I could have made that sound more fucked up but I figured barely touching the fact would be enough to crumble your silly little feelings. You're a corny bitch anyways. No one has time for a sometime-y person such as you. Hence why no one has entertained your fake ass attempts to remain in contact. I mean, really, what do you take us for? Stupid ass people? Get the fuck out of here! You're stupid for believing so. I really hope you found peace in your new life as pathetically withdrawn as it is. Please do everyone a favor by staying that way, because we've gotten used to NOT having you around and THAT'S no lie.

-A lesson that has come with great consequence, and now I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

THIEF!!!

Dear Jane Doe,

Chile...did you really think you weren't going to get exposed? Your ignorance or one track mind really got you caught up in some of the most ultimate of wrong doings. Wrong doing that you let me take the fall for at one point. Good thing my instincts kicked in and I exited stage left as soon as I felt like something was going on and that it wasn't a good thing. Now that you're the only one left to blame, what are you going to do? Lie?

At one point I really used to believe that you were a good person but it really didn't take long for the evil to seep out of your pores. It really didn't take long for me to be exposed to the terrible soul you have. Remember, I gained light of that before ANYone else did. However, I pushed the obvious signs aside because I know we aren't all perfect. You though, you are imperfection personified. You possess every negative characteristic that a human being and any animal can have. You're a fucking savage.

This will have to be last time I learn any lessons about you, or hear about any more of the horrible things you've done or how much more of a horrible person you are. Out of sight, out of mind. Goodbye.

-A lesson that has come with great consequence, and NOW I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Uncouth Unprofessional

Dear John Doe,

You really put me in a horrible position. Your extremely fucked up business ethics and practice have not only pissed me off but put me in a life altering situation. Thanks a lot you fucking asshole. It was just too damn good to be true. You even have the NERVE to try to keep me dangling on your short and mangled thread after shafting the shit out of me. Who the fuck does that? Haven't you done enough?

I don't know what kind of people you deal with on a regular basis, but I'm not going to be a simple bitch and sit around waiting for you to "figure it out," I don't have that kind of time. Moreover I just don't see myself dealing with someone like you at all. You really fucked up this first impression and all over greed, impatience, irresponsibility, and disregard. Well hell, with all those reasons it sounds a bit hard to make any other impression but a rotten one.

So again, thanks for completely changing my life asshole. If you violently fell down a flight of stairs or two I probably wouldn't even feel bad. Maybe then you would understand what turmoil you put me through. Watch your step...

-A lesson that has come with GREAT consequence, and NOW I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.