Sunday, October 24, 2010

Unanimous Slut

Dear John Doe,

What kind of faux force field do you have embowed over your person? And do you really think I'd fall for that positivity bullshit? I don't know what kind of world you're trying to convince yourself that you live in, but it's not a world full of pure imagination. Let's discuss the indicators that make my prior statement factual.

First of all, you’re a community slut and everyone knows it. Not just locally but nationally. Remember we both come from another place, and in that place you were just the same…a fucking slut with a tarnished reputation. Oh, I didn't forget. So how does that make you more holy than thou? It doesn't, it makes you just as fucked up as I am if not worse.

I'm not denying that I'm a negative person, which is your only beef with me. However, how dare you cast the first stone when you blatantly announce to the world every time you empty your dick or want to? Can you be that dim-witted you fucking numb nut? Comparing one's moral fiber to the others, what's the lesser evil? Who stands above and who lies beneath? What a good question...

So yeah...I'm "negative". Why don't you fucking kill yourself. How's that for negativity? Take that, you simple fucking bitch.

-A lesson that has come with great consequence, and now I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Power Pig

Dear Jane Doe,


I am really fucking upset! I can't believe you lured me into that awful trap of yours with that fake and infectious personality. "I" should have known! You really swayed me with money and a kool-aid smile. Shows me how easy it is to pull influence over others. Trust that I won't have to spend many more days trying to impress you unwillingly and just to make my days go by smoother. Trust that I won't have to look at your big bacon face for much longer. Trust that you'll be at a loss in the end.

One of the most uncomfortable things to ever experience is watching you be watched by someone. Another uncomfortable experience is being slapped by an asshole all of sudden. That's exactly what you did to me because I had NO idea you were such a fucking asshole. Shame on you for fooling me and shame on you for revealing your true ghoulish nature. Now you can never convince me that you're anything otherwise. Smooth move you fucking monster. Now who's the fool?

-A lesson that has come with GREAT consequence, and now I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Satisfied Stranger

Dear Jane Doe,

You took no shame is disappearing. Lucky for us you did though because you were vastly and quite generally becoming the most undesirable individual of all. I could have made that sound more fucked up but I figured barely touching the fact would be enough to crumble your silly little feelings. You're a corny bitch anyways. No one has time for a sometime-y person such as you. Hence why no one has entertained your fake ass attempts to remain in contact. I mean, really, what do you take us for? Stupid ass people? Get the fuck out of here! You're stupid for believing so. I really hope you found peace in your new life as pathetically withdrawn as it is. Please do everyone a favor by staying that way, because we've gotten used to NOT having you around and THAT'S no lie.

-A lesson that has come with great consequence, and now I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

THIEF!!!

Dear Jane Doe,

Chile...did you really think you weren't going to get exposed? Your ignorance or one track mind really got you caught up in some of the most ultimate of wrong doings. Wrong doing that you let me take the fall for at one point. Good thing my instincts kicked in and I exited stage left as soon as I felt like something was going on and that it wasn't a good thing. Now that you're the only one left to blame, what are you going to do? Lie?

At one point I really used to believe that you were a good person but it really didn't take long for the evil to seep out of your pores. It really didn't take long for me to be exposed to the terrible soul you have. Remember, I gained light of that before ANYone else did. However, I pushed the obvious signs aside because I know we aren't all perfect. You though, you are imperfection personified. You possess every negative characteristic that a human being and any animal can have. You're a fucking savage.

This will have to be last time I learn any lessons about you, or hear about any more of the horrible things you've done or how much more of a horrible person you are. Out of sight, out of mind. Goodbye.

-A lesson that has come with great consequence, and NOW I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Uncouth Unprofessional

Dear John Doe,

You really put me in a horrible position. Your extremely fucked up business ethics and practice have not only pissed me off but put me in a life altering situation. Thanks a lot you fucking asshole. It was just too damn good to be true. You even have the NERVE to try to keep me dangling on your short and mangled thread after shafting the shit out of me. Who the fuck does that? Haven't you done enough?

I don't know what kind of people you deal with on a regular basis, but I'm not going to be a simple bitch and sit around waiting for you to "figure it out," I don't have that kind of time. Moreover I just don't see myself dealing with someone like you at all. You really fucked up this first impression and all over greed, impatience, irresponsibility, and disregard. Well hell, with all those reasons it sounds a bit hard to make any other impression but a rotten one.

So again, thanks for completely changing my life asshole. If you violently fell down a flight of stairs or two I probably wouldn't even feel bad. Maybe then you would understand what turmoil you put me through. Watch your step...

-A lesson that has come with GREAT consequence, and NOW I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Bag of Douche

Dear John Doe,

You're obvious and nasty. I know what you want and I'm not giving it to you. I really won't. The initial interest is officially over. You're cute, yes you are, but I just can't fall for the gentleman trap. And especially when you don't play it off very well to begin with. I gave you three chances which is well beyond my norm. The club was strike number one, though it almost past as a preliminary experience. Strike two was all your late night texting which is probably alcohol inspired and induced. Strike three was when you tried to make me feel bad for being an appropriate human being with a little bit of class, manners and boundaries. You're a fucking douche for even going there with me.

Yeah, it’s always something. That something will always be the fact that I'm not having sex with you! You're really not that good and your swag is kind of on the lame side. Nothing good ever happens after midnight man. I hope you know that. So you're 3AM pleas to "hang out" will never happen. Ever. I'm sure your looks get a lot accomplished on the sexual front but I'm always going to be here to reassure you that your looks aren't enough. So cut a loss and move on. I'm sure there's other simple and loose bitches that'll open up to your aggression. Go to hell whore...

-A lesson that has come with great consequence, and now I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Olympic Fake

Dear Jane Doe,

I really can't believe how horribly fraudulent you've been to me and I must say that I'm extremely hurt. To think someone doesn't like you but can smile so easily in your face over long periods of time is quite a confusing and self-doubting experience. I can't believe you fucking fooled me. You're a bitch. If you didn't like me in the first place then why even entertain me? Why would you call me or ask my advice or opinion on futile matters? Why would you ignore the bigger issue which is the fact that you think I'm fucked up and furthermore anyone who entertains me is probably fucked up too.

Let me ask, bitch, what does that make you. Let's not forget the days you entertained me, whether it was the illest facade or not. Let's not forget you crying to me about your problems. Let's not forget how many times you took my advice and deliberated with me thereafter. Let's not forget what the prior stated might make you given your true opinion of me and those surrounding me. You, my "friend" are far more fucked up than I and far worse than what you run around whispering in ears of everyone about me.

From this moment on, consider yourself non-existent. Shall I be civil, maybe. Shall I be anything further, never again. After experiencing what is the olympic FAKE you are, I'm seriously considering a change in religion or a new way of life because you really made me second guess myself, my intuition, my integrity, and my life. Thanks a lot bitch, but I'm sure it's all for the better. WOW!

-A lesson that has come with GREAT consequence, and NOW I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Burnt Threat

Dear John Doe,

First of all I have to say, I am SO glad not to be in the presence of your typical black faggot ass anymore! I knew, I just KNEW when I first corresponded with you via telephone that I was not going to like you. If you want to even go deeper, I hit the nail on the head when I judged you simply by your name and tone over the phone. You are the most self-centered queen I've ever had to associate with. Before you even knew who I really was, you were so kind towards me. It was when you got a good gander and who I am that you figured you would put me through the ringer and try to impede my progress.

Honey, I'm not coming for you. I'm no threat to you. I don't think I'm the baddest, the cutest, the "token" nor do I don't want your job. So pump your brakes and slow the fuck down please. I'm not trying to out-dress you, I'm not trying to haggle up all the females and I'm not threatened by you. If you really want to get down to it, your taste in fashion is despicable. You're not a fucking model so get your pictures off of "ModelMayheim.com" and stop clacking around in those cheap ass shoes. You want to represent? Then why don't you just be real, unless you actually are then my bad. But if that happens to be the case then go to hell and burn the way you are.

I really wish I had the energy to waste on checking you in person but honey at this point and after breaking you down and basically invalidating you, you aren't even worth a side-eyed glance and a nasty thought. Die queen...

-A lesson that has come with great consequence, and NOW I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Dummy Bitch

Dear Jane Doe,

You're the dumbest bitch I know at the moment. It's one thing to be ignorant to your demise, but to know and still run around like a foolish hoe is just beyond me. How can you live like that? Is it really possible to have fun and live it up with such thoughts in mind? Or do you even have thoughts of your inevitable demise in mind? I hope to God that the last answer isn't "No" because that would just make you an even worse human being than I already think you are in my confusion. Don't fuck it up please...I would rather not run out of words.

If you became anymore fucking silly and disgusting than you already are I would just have to kill myself to save myself the acknowledgement that there really is someone like you that exists in this world. Do me a favor though and don't call me asking me dumb shit that you already know and make me look like a fucking ass when I realize that everything I said was in vain. Do me an even bigger favor and just disappear. Well...you might not have to execute that one for me. Ha ha ha!...

I don't know how I get so caught up wasting my time with hopeless hookers like you, and shame on me for fooling me twice because this is my SECOND time going through this bullshit and drama with you. In fact, you turn me off completely from wanted to even accept or be friends with females at all. You're doing an injustice to your own gender you fucking bitch. I think you forget that I'm not impressed by your cunt so I don't fall for that estrogen spell like the fucking idiots you already got pounding you out and/or the ones you have planned to. Nasty bitch...

-A lesson that has come with GREAT consequence, and now I will be more judgmental.

Signed,

Harvey Champagne.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Betty Cracky

Dear Jane Doe,

I know that due to unforseen circumstances and substances you don't have any regard for the next man. However, what's hard for me to bear is that you would kill your own mother just to get ahead. Truth be told you and I both know that your way of life is never ahead and the sad part is that you are very cognizant of this and just don't care. I don't wish bad on anyone, I truly don't, so I won't take that route now. I just hate the thought of a person who has to accept an inevitable fate. I think that sucks....

-a lesson that has come with GREAT consequence and now I will be more judgmental.

-Harvey Champagne